Scratch N Sniff

OH MY GOD. Every time I see this ep I love it more. This un is DEFINITELY going to be in my favorites. And I know a lot of you around here didn't like it... well... BULLY!

-Tonight's sponsor is: L'Eggs. Crichton's their new spokesmodel! We're men, we're men in tiiiiiights, roaming around the forest, looking for fights! We maaaaay look like pansies... but watch what you say or we'll put out your lights!

-Tonight's Alternate title: "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Pulse Pistols" (and, HEY! We had two pulse pistols!).

-Anime bar. This is what anime chicks would look like if they were live action.

-Whoa, funky editing. Kinda annoying in the teaser.

-"I am away, I'm on vacation!" Hehe. That's me this week. And I just love the way Chi said that...

-OMG! OMG! A LIME GREEN CHICK! AHHH! *dies happy* Now, I would feel truly honored and a bit frightened if she was a *LYME* green chick, cause that would mean TPTB have noticed me and that I have to like, move to another country.

-"This is Raxil. There's one like her on every planet." Uhm, k, mebbe this will make more sense later.

-"Are you boys... a couple?" O_o. This ep makes slashfic fans HAPPY. But I'm not a fan of slash, so, it made me go 'O_o'. Man, and with my parents in the room...

-I just had to LOL when D'Argo says 'the three of us' and Crichton flashes four fingers and mouths it... it was just funny, hehe.

-*snerk* They're like sailors on shore leave. Picking up whores.

-Okay, Crichton shouldn't dance. Especially when drunk. Hehe. The Men Of Farscape: WE CAN'T DANCE!

-"Fe'tor. Bad guy, dressed in black." Well, I see there will be no ambiguity this ep...

-... feathers? They invaded the general crafts department where I work?

-EEEeeeeeeeep. Did I mention that this ep will make slashfic fans ECSTATIC?

-"There were girls, right?" "Girls, breasts, blue breasts, green breasts..." D'Argo Seuss. I do not like green eggs and spam, I do not like them, Viking Man.

-SHIRTLESS CRICHTON! It only took 13 FREEKIN EPS for Kemper to keep his damn promise! Excuse me while I alternately <THUD> and giggle cause nipples look funny on guys.

-"Where are my boots?" Oh, man. This has to be a reference to Stevepalmer. HAS to be.

-OMG. They're in a bubble window. And being watched. *boggle*

-OMFG! THE POSE! THE TIGHTS! "I am dressed." *looks down* AND THAT GIRLY SCREAM! OMG! I thought I was going to be scarred for life... BUT I FRICKIN LOVE IT! Now, I have a reason to explain why Crichton's pants have gone missing. However, it involves cheesy comic strips, the Underpants Gnome, and a superhero named SuperPants.

-Fran! Heeey, Fran's obligatory ep of the season! In heavy makeup!

-Oooh. Grumpy!Pilot.

-Damn. Them's some funky tents. They're all... spandex-y. Funky music, too

-Hey, I think they sell those chairs at the Claire's at my local mall. I dunno, since I never go in there... but my sister had a pink chair just like that once.

-OOO! Green chick again! I SAW HER!

-"Smile." Yes, smile, it makes them wonder what you're thinking... BWAHAHA!

-AH! Girly scream again! I love it!

-"You think I want your shoes?" Dood. This ALSO has to be a Stevepalmer reference.

-"You're a bit of an idiot, duh." "Yeah." "Yeah?" "But I'm bigger. *shove*" LOL... Ben gets to knock his wife around every ep she's in... what is with that? LOL

-"That's Jool's comm." "How do you know?" "It's melted around the edges from when she screams." You mean she hasn't already melted it into scrap metal?

-deaf as a feather? ... huh?

-Heh. This Kabbah guy... (Whoa. Okay. Random Conan O'Brien moment: KAH-BAH! You'd get it if you saw Conan last night... AH-BAH!) Anyway, this Kabbah guy looks like a cross between Pilot, Zorak, and a hammerhead shark. With dreadlocks.

-he's a hadji? So, uh, where's Johnny Quest?

-Raxil likes to make porn by leaving hadji eyeballs laying around. K, I SWEAR, Lily Taylor must lurk in the #farscape chat. She HAS to.

-"You want The Show?" Okay, that sounds ominous.

-"Put one of these on your eye." "You GOTTA be kidding me." That's what I said!

-"this, is, uh..." did anyone else finish that sentence with 'The matrix!'?

-Jool and Chi are SexyDancing. Chi did this with Aeryn in WGFA, too... Is this becoming a pattern?

-Whoa. I never knew the Interions had an Olympic gymnastics team.

-Hehee. Chiana picked a girlyman wearing a push-up bra out of the crowd.

-FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! She's like, doing that New Zealand poi thingie with FIRE! Oh, that is so cool.

-Heh. Chiana made him <THUD>.

-man. They certainly serve drinks in phallic cups on LoMo.

-Oooooo. Fe'Tor has the UT version of roofies. Does not bode well.

-Jealous!D'Argo!

-Whoa. Bondage. With a pink girl in fishnets. Yup. This is SO anime. Or Hentai, more like. We even have tentacles this episode...

-They're draining Fierce Grape Gatorade out of pink girl?

-He's got undies on his head! Black undies! He looks like a ninja from a B-Movie!

-Mmmm, mental image: D'Argo knocking on the door and shouting "Avon calling!"

-Jool's taking a bath in foamy draino.

-YAY! Psycho-happy dance binaca! See that? That's the only way you'll get me to EVER dance!

-roflmao at D'Argo dancing. He looks like that half-nekkid guy in those Reebok ads dancing to that 'bird is the word' song... DEFY CONVENTION. *snerk*

-*snerk* Love potion number nine. Let's hope D'Argo doesn't kiss a cop down on 34th and Vine...

-"Hey! It's a weird universe out there, man, and you don't know it cause you're spending all your time inside!" Dood, my mom used to say that. Then I went outside, got bug-bit, sunburned, and almost hit by a car. I like indoors. Indoors is safe.

-Freslin. Someone should sell this at Scapercon. Not that we'll need it or anything.

-Okay. Now I'm getting slashy vibes from Chi and Jool.

-Ooooh. Fe'Tor has the world's biggest maze on his wall. I just wanna take a pen and solve it.

-SOYLENT FRESLIN IS PEOPLE!

-Heh. Modern Art Torture Chair. Now available from Ikea.

-"John, these people will not dance with me. No one will dance with me -" "No, go away! Ohohoh! Look at the booty on that girl! WHOO!" ROFLMAO!

-What is it with the men wearing corsets this eppy?

-LOOK! I SAW FUZZY PINK HANDCUFFS! The fuzz wasn't pink, but the leather part was! OMG! OMG! That HAS to be a nod to the Farscape-Shippers list!

-Jool secretes Tang.

-"If they drained that much fluid from her, she'd be dead!" "SHUT UP and let me tell my story!"

-D'Argo says trelk a lot this ep.

-Violent!Crichton.

-COOOOOL time lapse thingie on the view of the auction chamber.

-HARVEY! Well, now we know this Crichton's got a Harvey.

-Oh. This is Lyme being a "I work at a Craft STore" nerd: OOOOO! Mosaic tiles! PURTY!

-"Ka D'Argo! GIVE ME FIVE!" *snerk*

-How does Harvey know all about this auction chamber? I mean, he knows where everything is.

-"Ten steps." "Eight steps." "Ten." "EIGHT. Small legs, human."

-I want an appartment RIGHT on the water, just like Fe'Tors. Oh, except in hurricane season.

-Heheh. Fe'tor's dressed like a cheesy 80's supervillain.

-"Two guns? I mean, I thought you were the great Crichton and D'Argo! *high five* I mean, you blew up a shadow depository! *Shadow depository going BOOM* I thought you'd bring pelshfir charges *explosion* and a plasma bomb *moon blowing up in FT* and a really big gunship! *Command Carrier* But NO! You bring nothing, you bring two little weapons that wouldn't even kill a negnek! *funky alien*" OMG. I love this little tirade, especially how it's intercut with clips... espeically the high five between D'Argo and Crichton.

-Ohhh, backstabbing Raxil. Why does Francesca Buller always play characters that eventually back-stab?

-Whoa, pissy violent lunging "I'm gonna beat you up!" Crichton.

-*spray* "NOT aGAIN!"

-"All right, you can hit me just once, JUST ONCE!" LOL...

-WHOA, whazzat? They turned D'Argo into a freaky BDSM alien!

-"How long have we known each other?" "Approximately two and a half LONG cycles." Hehee. Pilot is really starting to lose his patience with Crichton.

-Eeeek, Lounge Lizards music!

-"Ring Curls? Drain to failure She would only spoil the program." Hehee. He called Jool 'ring curls'.

-DAMN. Crichton is channelling Foghorn Leghorn. I was half expectin him to go, "Ah say, Ah say, boy!"

-"I've, uh, become a new man lately."

-"Non-event my ass." Erk. D'Argo's channelling my mom.

-"Calm. Anger bad." I just had an SNL flash of Phil Hartman going 'FIRE BAD!'

-"Does this guy just SCREAM Vegas or what?" Dood, Crichton read my mind! AWRIGHT!

-Oh, look, they're playing the baseball stadium organ. I just had to scream 'PLAY BALL!' at this point...

-Oooo, green glowy balls. Can I have one?

-Hehe. I like how they foreshadow problems with Crichton drawing a gun in that quick clip.

-ooo, outbid!

-"LISTEN UP, Mr. Horny Toad!" It's Mr. Horny Toad's wild ride! WHEEE!

-Coooooool D'Argo morph.

-Yaay, funky music!

-"Rais you fifty dollars! *BOOM*" YEAH BAYBEE!

-"Eight! *thwack* OW! Okay, ten." HA! Told you! Crichton don't have small legs!

-Heeey, Chi did her xena yell.

-Tonguing... okay, I've devolved to 3 word sentences here, trying to keep up with action...

-Raxil made the machine? Look at that goofy little laugh and dance. LOL

-Heh. That neck convo with Chi is weird. I swear I thought she was gonna slap him upside the head or something. Her spidey sense was just tingling.

-Whoa. He's choking Crichton with the fringe on his glove. *boggle*

-Dood, okay, what does Skreetuk mean? Whatever it does, it made me think of Olaf... "Skerlnik."

-"Sad thing is, he's gonna die happy."

-Why does Crichton's drink have so many damn straws?

-Obfuscation? K, Crichton, that word is english. But I don't know what it means either (and damn you, all you who read this out there, DON'T TELL ME! I gots a dictionary, I'll look it up.).

-GIRLY SCREAM!

-LOL, Pilot just did a Marge Simpson growl!

-"What, you're a girl? I'm gonna open the door for you?"

-And they're continuing with the evil lounge music over the credits, AHHH!

-... Hey, no Miss Cleo ads!

And that other stuff that doesn't fit nowhere else:

-Wow. I think I just got a preview of Scapercon this weekend.

-Okay. I LOVED, LOVED this ep. I know a lot of people didn't like it around here. But it reminded me of a Guy Ritchie movie, and I *loved* his movies. Seriously. Go out and see Snatch and Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels. The editing was amazing - and prolly VERY tiring for the editors, the story was insane and insanely funny, and the directing was just GREAT. There were only a few things missing that could've made this a Guy Ritchie movie: Crichton doing the voiceovers in an English accent, Vinnie Jones, and a song by James Brown. Needless to say, I love the style this was made in, although the teaser was a bit annoying at first because I didn't realise what was going on. And wow, okay, this is S3's WGFA ep. Lily out-Frooned FROONY!

-Okay. I know we had the sniffing, but where was the scratching?

-Some people have said that they think John was severely embellishing his story as he told it to Pilot. Honestly, that thought had never crossed his mind. I think some stuff is just too WEIRD to make up... and this was one of those stories.

-And some people are pissy about Crichton apparently sleeping with the Rainbow girls. Well, are you guys also pissy about TC sleeping with Aeryn? MC knows that TC is prolly getting VERY cozy with Aeryn - which he is... and that he'll prolly have no chance with her. He's trying to move on - but that doesn't say how successful he'll be at it. And besides, he's a guy. They constantly do stupid stuff. Thusly, I'm not pissed at him. Or even a little angry.

-Next week: Kent McCord! Ancients! ROLLERCOASTERS! (and ironically, I will be on rollercoasters at King's Island this coming friday) Scorpy dressed like Evil Kinevil!

SO! My review next week will most likely be LATE. You wanna know why?

S C A P E R C O N! WOO BAYBEE YEAH! I will be there THURSDAY! So if you see me, say HI, dammit! OOOO YEAH!

LBT, who's all excited.

-BTW, Did anyone other than me watch The Downer Channel tonight on NBC? O. M. G. That was *so* my type of show! I loved it! The first EVER show that's devoted to spasticity! "White guys rocking out!" *snerk*

OH, yeah, and Website's being updated. http://www.lymophilia.com. I hope to have all the reviews current by the end of tonite.