Relativity

Oh. My. Frelling. God. Rockne, you are a god. "And on the first day, Rockne created Farscape, and it was good. And in the 54th episode, Rockne gave us Shippy Porn, and it was VERY VERY GOOD."

Wait, you mean something in this ep happened besides John and Aeryn FINALLY and undeniably getting to the point where you'd be insane to claim them as not being a couple? Oh, yeah, there was some stuff about somebody's parent, wasn't there? Hehe. You all know I'm kidding. Stop hitting me with things. Or if you're going to hit me with things, make it kinkier. Anyway, let's get on with it, shall we?


This ep is brought to you by Rupert Holmes' Greatest Hit: Escape (The Pina Colada Song). EV'RYBODY! "If you like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain..." What?! Don't look at me like that, it was the most obvious choice of sponsors!


-It's Dagobah! Yeah, I know everyone's already prolly said that, but I'm saying it to! Wow, this bandwagon's crowded... and hey, do those flying... um... thingies... remind anyone of the bat-like creatures from Pitch Black? AERYN LOOK OUT! STAY DOWN!

-Crais looks pissed. I thought he looked a little miffed and snarky in the first showing, but I didn't realise why until just now. Heheh. EAT IT, CRAIS! WOOOHOO! Yeah, he knows that John and Aeryn are boffing. Think bulkheads and all. I just sorta get this vibe from him, like he's thinking 'Frelling thin bulkheads... am I going to have to *sleep* on Command? Yee GODS, give it a REST!'

-Stark is all dancing and singing. He's a happy Banik. And I know this is not what he's saying, but it sounds like he's singing 'C'mon now, Dominar! C'mon now, Dominar!'

-Heh. "I may be small, but remember that only serves to put me at castration level!" Aaaaand a closeup of Stark grabbing the ol family jewels. Ahhh. If it's not masturbation, it's jokes about castration.

-"VERY THIN BULKHEAD!" Oh, please, please, please. Tell me they're talking about what I think they're talking about. Please. They're gonna fuck with us and John and Aeryn will be fighting or something, right?

-"He actually sounded like he was EXERTING himself! What kind of a male is he anyway?!" *whimper* C'mon. Does that mean..? Do we get..??

-Stark's listening in? Wow, he's a shipper, but not just that... a voyeuristic shipper! DOOD! I knew I liked Stark for a reason...

-Anyone, besides me, think if DRAyKE when Rygel goes 'They're in between bouts?'

-*spazz* *BIG SPAZZ* That's... uh, that's John's pants. And there's Aeryn's vest. And John's boots. and OH MY GOD YES YES YES YES SHIPPY PORN! *dies in a shippy happy spaz of joy*

-OMG. John's teasing Rygel, whacking the bulkhead and groaning. And Aeryn's sorta playful shoving him, as if to say 'Aw, knock it off.' And now they're SNOGGING!

-Damn you, Crais. Interrupting my nice, shippy moment. Bastard. And I know you're going to be all secretly gleeful about it, aincha?

-LOL! Did Aeryn and John say 'Damn' in unison?

-"Friendorfoefriendorfoefriendorfoe?!" "Will you shut the FRELL up! Of COURSE it's a foe, we have no friends!" Aw. Can I have a stuffed Stark doll? Please? And a Rygel, too? To make em bitch at each other?

-Heheh. John and Aeryn are still straightening their clothes as they walk into command. Take THAT, Crais. Humans. Are. SUPERRRRRRIOOOOOOR!

-"Crichton, you always have a plan - well, sometimes." Hey. I thought we passed The Plan Torch from Crichton to Stark.

-Yeeeow. Xhalax shoots her own men? Bitch.

-Rockne! Rockne wrote this ep! Yay!

-Thomas Holesgrove returns again. I swear, he should be an honorary cast member by now.

-Stark? You want Stark to help keep Talyn calm? *laughs hysterically* Oh, you are SO screwed.

-Rygel is gnoming for trouble, digging in Aeryn's things like that. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

-O. M. G. Xhalax just said 'ropy dren'. Eeeeew. The mental images...

-Xhalax looks like Trinity, except older and more evil. I think it's the nose. And the haircut.

-"Cinch up your mivonks and keep moving!" Ooo. Xhalax is snarky. I like her. In that bitch, evil villain way.

-Steve Wonder? Is he singing? Can we shoot him?

-Oarusk fruits are like, Paranoid Citroids. They're all bitter and acidic on the inside, just like me. And they're greenish.

-LOL at the whole bit with the humming and the hiccups.

-OMG! ROFL! They see the vines, and Stark and Rygel start making this pathetic little whining noise that sounded EXACTLY like Courage the Cowardly dog! Now I wanna hear Stark go "Things I do for LOVE!"

-Hey. It's Yellowstone park. Kinda.

-The butthole of the universe has gas.

-Stark with a knife. They're trusting Stark with a knife? Scary. SCARY!

-Okay. I know this is totally wrong and off, but when the fire fight starts up, I can't help but think, 'Butch and Sundance ride again!' and then, I thought of that bit in Mallrats, where Brodie sez something along the lines of 'Yeah, how often do you get to see Smoky *frell* the Bandit?' and then the whole Butch and Sundance thing... and, oh, they kinda merged, you get the idea.

-I will have to watch the Chronicle, just to hear that 'AAAAW, YEAH! Supermodel!' line.

-And here it is. I forgot last week. But... DIE MISS CLEO! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! AND DON'T CALL MY FRELLING HOUSE AGAIN!

-Mmm. Dunno if it's just me, but when Aeryn goes, 'Nice to see you again, mother' did anyone else start thinking of Norman Bates and Psycho?

-Ah. They are called Colartas. The funky red guys.

-Heh. Oooo, heartburn. No, wait, that's just his heart exploding.

-Sting a little, Crichton? That stuff's worse than bactine. Anyone besides me remember bactine?

-Aeryn definitely looks curious about that scar. Thass okay, I wanna know where she got it, too.

-"I'm Aeryn. Aeryn Sun. Shaken, not stirred." Sorry, couldn't resist. It was too easy.

-She's with Crais? Noooo, silly, she's with Crichton. The erpman who's loud in bed. Just ask Rygel.

-I couldn't help it. When one Colarta goes, 'What do you smell?' I just had to scream out "CARTOON PLANET! Wooowheee." Trust me, if you get it, you need as much help as I do.

-Wow. I love how Crichton just absolutely will not even consider that Aeryn could possibly be dead.

-Xhalax is such a snarky bitch. I *so* wanna see her hook up with Papa Titus from Titus. In fact, if Talyn ever shows up on the show (and I for one, don't believe he's dead), they should get Stacey Keach to play him.

-"When I'm dead, you can name your prowler after me." DAMN! SNARKY BITCH!

-Wow. Baddass Aeryn. "I'm not flinching." Oh, I'd *so* do Aeryn right about now.

-"We're not going around in circles, nimrod, because we've never been here before! We're completely lost!"

-Mazes. I just love the way Crichton says "Heeey, Johnny, let's go in the mirror maze together, huh?"

-Crichton and Crais in the woods:
Crichton: Shut up!
Crais: No, you shut up!
Crichton: No, YOU shut up!
Crais: *grumbling* Doodiehead.

-Eew. Why do guys always want someone to smell something if it smells terribly nasty? Is that in the genes? Can someone tell me?

-"Don't forget to cover your private bits." Oh, you know I'm volunteering for this job.

-Psst. Aeryn. Xhalax is getting free. She's got a razorblade glued to the underside of her fingernail.

-Yeesh. They's guys got infrared? They're like, a cross between the aliens from Alien, Predator, and the Red Guy from Cow and Chicken. Is one named C. D. High-knee and the other Rear Admiral Floyd?

-Heeey, Harvey. Long time no see. Was wondering if you were still in one of the Crichtons' heads or not.

-YEEEOWCH! She pulled a bone or something out of her arm! Okay, I'm no girly girl, needles don't scare me, and I have no problem with injuries. But that was just PAINFUL!

-Holy HELL! Did you see her eyes? It reminds me of the part in Requiem for a Dream where they show the junkies shooting up.

-*shocked boggle* You can't stab Rygel! He can't die! He's a puppet!

-Did Stark just say snarking dellot?

-"And Rygel's heart grew 3 sizes that day!" Hehe... get it? C'mon. You gotta get that reference. It's a frickin classic.

-Okay. I'm getting slashy vibes from Stark and Rygel here.

-Second target? Whu--?

-Oh, my. Bondage Crais. Tied down for your pleasure. I'm sure that'll make some females on the BB happy.

-Okay. Why are the PKs after Crais? I mean, for what specific nugget of info?

-As much as I dislike Talyn right now for spacing John, I don't wanna see him mutilated...

-Xhalax's story about killing Talyn. I dunno if I believed her or not. Don't ask me why.

-Oh, you gotta love that horrified 'Oh, shit. This woman's EVIL' realisation look hitting Aeryn's face. Wow. That was well done.

-Duurrr, pina colada. Of course it's a trap.

-Crichton. Psst. Leave Crais there. C'mon. You know you wanna. Even if he's got a good point... *sigh*... awright. Take his ass. He's on probation, I guess.

-When Xhalax has her rage after watching the vid chip, I was reminded of the Trunchbull in that old Roald Dahl book, Matilda.

-Hehee. Stark and Aeryn are playing footsies, and Stark looks to be really enjoying it.

-"One-eyed hingmot with no 3-D vision!" Hey, that hingmot just saved your ass, Sparky.

-"You sewed my robes to my chest!" Well, no one ever accused Stark of being a doctor.

-K. When they're trying to stick the Colarta's head into the geyser, I kept thinking of the bit in the bar in Dogma... I swear. I just got Kevin Smith on the brain, don't I?

-Good point. Xhalax is also trying to goad Aeryn into shooting her.

-Awww. Poor Aeryn. BTW, Crais SO did not shoot Xhalax.

-What's with the Slo-mo this ep? It's kinda distracting.

-Zhaan! ZHAAN! Stark saw Zhaan! And she's happy... and watching over our guys. Aw, damn, I miss Zhaan.

-Eeew. Okay, that was creepy. Rygel farting and winking. That was just wrong.

-Erk. Crais is going to put more of his personality into talyn? This does not bode well.

-"We can get some sleep. Or not." Some people are saying this line is out of character and crass. I think it was meant more of a joke to lighten the mood, and sort of as a reaffirmation that what happened earlier in the ep wasn't a one-shot deal. It might've been a joke, also... because it doesn't look like Aeryn and Crichton got much sleep the night before. I've got this mental image of Crichton and Aeryn trying to sleep the night previous... and instead winding up in the same bed together, doing just about anything EXCEPT sleeping.

-Aw. They're resting their heads together. I love when they do that... it's such a show of comfort and familiarity. And Aeryn. She's cut all ties she had to her previous life...

And here's all this stuff that doesn't really fit in one place:

-I, for one, do NOT think Xhalax is dead. In fact, I think she's about as dead as Scorpy was in SOD. I mean, we're forgetting here... you're not dead until your head as been affixed to a jinka pole. And C'mon. Crais' 'You must not witness this!' line? That was my first clue-in. I think Xhalax and Crais are in cahoots. Why are they working together, I have no idea. I just think they are. BTW - I also doubt that she's dead for a very interesting reason: They haven't explained that big nasty scar yet. That was put there for a reason, people. Plus, she was shot off-screen. I am SO not convinced she's dead, I'd stake my left nut on her being alive. Er, that is, if I had nuts I would.

-Also, I'm very suspicious of Xhalax. I'm not sure she's even a PK any more. I mean, Talyn's fairly important, right? Why would the PKs send out one woman and 3 mercs - one of which was very badly injured - to capture this big important ship? Let alone the fact that the mercs weren't Sebacean! I mean, a Marauder's got a bigger, better, and apparently more trained crew than this retrieval squad. What if Xhalax, bitter because of what punishment she suffered because of her visit to Aeryn, decided to blame Aeryn and went renegade to seek revenge?

-And now, of course, I'm gonna talk about the Shippy. Y'know what I'm talking about. How could you miss it - hell, how could *I* miss it, giant shipper that I am? You know I already rewound the tape on that one part about 50 times - and about half of them with the closed caption on. Some people are going 'Oh, it's too soon, Farscape's jumped the shark, and now it'll go down the tubes like Moonlighting!' BULLY! I think it's a natural progression in the relationship. I mean, look. They're on a ship, apparently sharing quarters, with nothing to do while they wait for Talyn to heal, an incredible amount of UST between them... it was bound to happen. Hell, it *already* happened back in AHR, except this time, they're acknowledging it, not playing 'Last night was fine, but we're not gonna talk about it, EVER. Got it?'. 'It' happened a long time ago - except this time, John and Aeryn are much more prepared to deal with the consequences that may come with finally being completely intimate. And some of the non-shippers are going 'Oh, great, now we're gonna get J/A shippy crap every ep.' No, not necessarily so. I think what we're going to see is just them being a whole hell of a lot more physically comfortable with each other, now, because they've been juuuust about as physically intimate as you can get.

-Oh. And on the two Johns thing. Talyn John is SO marked for death right now, because he's boffing Aeryn. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that he will die. TPTB like to pride themselves on doing what we fans expect the least. And right now, killing TC is the most obvious choice - it resets the J/A relationship, and brings about a huge angst and guilt factor. Or this could be a case of 'Well, the fans know to expect the unexpected, and they figure that that's to obvious so we won't do it... so let's kill him!' Hell, I dunno. But every ep now is like playing the death pool on Crichton. "Will he die this ep? Or will Moya Crichton die next ep?!'

-Speaking of which... Splittign the crews was an intriguing idea, but I definitely think it's getting old fast. The crew with the juicier storyline is on Talyn - not to mention, almost all my favorites (Chiana's still on Moya). On Talyn, you've got the J/A relationship, the ambiguity of Crais and Talyn, and Stark and Rygel acting incredibly funny. On Moya, it feels more like Pilot's babysitting the children. Because of this, I'm hoping the two crews get back together soon - say, like, within the next 4 eps. We're missing half the interaction with the crews split! And I'm missing Chi and Rygel doing their 'partners in crime' bit, as funny as 'Stark and Rygel's Playhouse' is.

-Oh, yeah. In #farscape chat, birthsister said that July 6th should be a Scaper Holiday. So, July 6 is officially Shippy Porn Day!

-Next week: WE see babyScorpy. Eeeeeeek. I wonder if we get to see a reappearance of Natira? Whatever the case, Scorpy's back story should be very interesting.

-PLUUUUUUUUUG! Shameless, shameless, shameless PLUG! Looking for past spastic reviews? Looking for freakishly funny photomanipulations? Looking for Lymey's wallpapers, her sims pics, and the (only, to my knowledge) sims skin for D'Argo? Not to mention, a whole BUTTLOAD of non-farscape related stuff? Go to.... www.lymophilia.com! THAT'S RIGHT! WWW.LYMOPHILIA.COM! Make my counter scream in agony! Sign my guestbook! Send me hate mail telling me how crappy my fanfic is! FEED ME, I AM A WHORE FOR YOUR ATTENTION! Er... Yeah. Kinda, like, go look at my webpage. Www.lymophilia.com.

"Stop it! Stop it! This sketch's gone silly!"
LBT, your local spaz, who actually doesn't like Pina Coladas.