Revenging Angel

First, an interlude: M O N K E Y! MOOOOOONKEY! R O B O T! ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBOT!

Now, your review:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're all going "Hey, dammit. Why dincha review IP1 and 2?" Cause I'm pissed at Kemper still. And I was recovering from Scapercon. And I didn't really feel like watching a Crichton die again. That's why.

I'll get around to it some day.

Anyway, let's get around to THIS review now, ey? So people will stop asking me "When's the review, when's the review, I'm withholding porn till you give me the review!" *glare* You know who you are. No crack skittles for you. BTW, did I mention? I am god now. Some interesting circumstances came up in chat last night.

righty-o, let's get on with it.

Tonight's sponsor is AstronUt brand Bier! Hey, it's better than fellip nectar!


-Aeryn and DeadCrichton are in the teaser. Hmm. Unfortunately, nothing really happens in the ep that deals with them. Damn them for mind-frelling us. Or maybe they just mind-frelled me.

-Oh, hey, look! It's D'Argo's big ship! We need to give this ship a name other than 'growler' cause I don't like that. It rhymes with Prowler. I vote we call it the Spankster.

-Oy. Dexter's lab vibes... D'Argo's Laboratory! "Oooo, what does THIS button do?" "CRICHTON, GET OUT OF MY SHIP!"

-*snerk* Yosemite Sam. Unfortunately, we never get to hear D'Argo go "OOOOH! I hates that Human!" once. NOT ONCE!

-D'Argo is really pissy. I mean, yeah, you're life innit exactly the greatest, but Crichton's life ain't great shakes at the moment either. The other guy took the girl, his gun, his shirt, his notebook, AND his cool jacket.

-"You sabotaged my frelling ship!" Aw, c'mon. Isn't that a bit harsh? Yah, like he intended to screw anything up.

-Eeeeek. Now we have OCB in slow motion. The SACCer in me is screaming and covering her head right now.

-D'Argo? Dear? Can you stop your hissyfit and see why your ship is acting all funky?

-K, this isn't really ep-related, but there's something about how, in the opening credits, when Crichton says 'Earth is unprepared - helpless'... there's just something about the way he says helpless.

-The Scream Heard Round the World: Lymey sees the words 'Written By David Kemper'. This generally leads to BAD THINGS happening to our guys! Remember Zhaan? Aeryn in DMD?!

-Dr. Jool. *snerk* Okay, now I want to hear Jool say, just once, 'Dammit, John, I'm a doctor, not a _______!' Feel free to fill in the blank. I mean, I can hear her voice saying it...

-swelling? Blood in his skull? Okay, those are very clearly NOT GOOD things! Even I know that!

-Man oh MAN is D'Argo on the rag this ep or what? Bitching at everyone.

-And then... he goes and chucks his Qualta blade over the side of the walkway. Smooth move, Einstein. My dad used to do the same thing with his glasses when he was really pissed.

-"That was mature." Oh, my god. It's just a little bit frightening when Chiana is the most level-headed member of the crew...

-D'Argo is in severe need of a Dammit Doll.

-hehee. Crichton pulled the covers over his head. That just cracked me up.

-Let's do the Letterman list, shall we? Earth, Dad, pizza, sex, cold beer, fast cars, sex, Aeryn, love. HEY! That's only 9! hmm... other than the fast cars bit... this is a kickass list, man. I wanna go hang out with Crichton. Not just so I can ogle him.

-"We're both dead." "Screw you!" oooooh, nothin like being snarky at Harvey to cheer us right up.

-"And guess who Aeryn loves right now?" Oh, Harvey, you bastard. That was a low, low, low blow. I think this is also called dramatic irony: The audience knows something important that the characters don't. Namely, Talyn Crichton is D-E-D dead.

-Oh, man. C'mon. I learned something the other day at work... never challenge a guy... cause no matter how stupid it is, they'll *do* it. Crichton says, "Is that a challenge?" Lyme says, "Aw crap." Yeah, I, uh, *have* been channelling Darien Fawkes a lot as of late. I don't think I have to worry until my hair gets really poofy.

-"LOONY TUNES!" *snerk* ToonHarvey wears pink eyeshadow! And he's got corks in his ears! You know, right now I wish we'd seen him angry enough to do that thing where steam comes out your ears... in his case, the corks would go popping out everywhere first, lol!

-hehee. Here comes the 1000 ton *OZ*ME anvil! I love how they changed it to 'OZME', too, btw... cause they, y'know, film it in Oz.

-Oh, look, it's Jool and her amazing WonderBelly. Stoppit, you. You're makin the rest of us look bad.

-Oh, aye, blame Crichton. I'm beginning to think he's in the same boat as me - scapegoat of the universe.

-I have something written down here that looks like 'oricla nine poofers.' *peers closer*... the hell? OH! It says 'Crichton in erp clothes!' Okay, what's scary about that is I didn't even *intentionally use 'erp' instead of earth. EEek. Anyway. Yeah, I could imagine how this came about. Ben gets a phone call: "Hey, just wear whatever you pull out of your drawers (not those drawers, gitcher mind outta the gutter) to work today."

-Heheee. Oricla nine poofers. *snicker* Sorry. Those are just some damn funny words. "Captain! The Poofers from Oricla Nine are hailing us!" It would be even funnier if it was 'poofters'...

-Heeeey, Crichton! while you're talking to Pilot... there's someone sneaking up behind you! Is that Harvey?!

-"You're very wise." "I don't get out much. So I read." Yaaaay, good lines, good lines. Also a bit snarky, considering the remarks Crichton made to Pilot in SNS along the lines of 'It's a weird universe out there, and you don't know cause you're stuck in here.'

-I love how D'Argo goes, "Uhm..." And they cut directly to the chase scene... rofl...

-OMG! He's wearing an OZME rocket! LOL! That was just the FUNNIEST... *snerk*

-YAY! Cheezy animation!

-Hey, D'Argo called Crichton a 'runt'! He can't do that! Humans are superior, dammit!

-*snerk* Mir saves the day!

-BTW. Someone said this name, "Studly McBigShoulders" from MST3K in chat the other day in regards to CartoonCrichton... and I can't get it out of my mind! It was just so perfect... cause DAMN are his shoulders of superheroic proportions!

-"God, I love science fiction!" Yeah, baybee!

-hehee. D'Argo's got a surfboard strapped to that rocket of his... waitaminnit... Luxans wear red polkadotted undies! Watch out for Underpants Gnomes, D'Argo!

-okay. When that rocket chops D'Argo into little itty bits, was anyone else thinking of the bit with the woodchipper in Fargo, or am I just that sick?

-WAGNER! He's humming Wagner!

-*snerk* Cartoon Jaw Drop! Okay, as you can tell, my notes at this point are basically one or two words at most. Wait til we get to Cartoon Aeryn.

-LOL, I love this. They even have the loony tunes-esque music going on.

-I couldn't help it... looking at D'Argo's rocket... I just had to say... "Do you think he's compensating for something? eh? Eh?" You get crack skittles if you know what movie that's from...

-EEEE! D'Argo is a spider! With the incorrect amount of legs!

-Scorpy, don't straddle Crichton. I've been to Scapercon, I'm on the shippers list... and it's giving me slashy vibes. I don't want slashy vibes.

"Take revenge, John!" Oh, god, I love that little attempt at a reassuring nod Harvey does. Simply because it comes off as extra creepy.

-treblin side. YAY! We finally know there's another side to the ship other than 'hammond side'!

-Wow. Jool has really grown attached to Pilot, I guess. She freaked when she found out he would most likely die.

-"Children!"

-"Move, D'Argo, let mommy shoot it." Oh, I like Chi. I really really really like Chi.

-"I don't like to lose." "Then why'd you let go of me?" Oh, MAN! Chi gets the BEST lines this ep, I swear!

-Heeeey. This further proves my theory that Translator Microbes only work for spoken language, and not written language. D'Argo can't read ancient Luxan...

-Duuur, D'Argo. Maybe it speaks Luxan because it *is* a Luxan ship? Luxans aren't given to logic, are they? Heh...

-Hmm. Most Luxans didn't know how to read or write til 300 cycles ago. Well, they're ahead of us. I don't think most Americans knew how to read or write until about 150 years ago. How's THAT!

-I'm snickering at the whole trelkfight between Jool and Chiana. Especially the part where they lose John off the gurney... *snerk* And then Chi playing mommy again.

-Hey, whoa, I just realised that Crichton is shirtless. WOOHOO!

-"Yeah, he put you in a coma!" That was like, sooooo valleygirl *twirls hair* in delivery, tcha.

-Hehee. Jool's shedding again. I swear. Don't they have stuff to like, control that or something?

-"Are you going to kill me?" "I already hurt Crichton today. That is enough." Well, at least you know you did wrong, D'Argo.

-"I know that I can be difficult, that no one wants to spend time with me." Awww, look. Jool is me. Come, join me and Eberts in screaming "I want chicken, and sausages, and SOMEONE TO LOVE ME!" Welcome to the Chopped Liver Corner, my dear.

-Hmm. I'm getting the vibe that Jool has a crush on D'Argo. Anyone else?

-WOOHOOO! CARTOON AERYN! *wolfwhistle* YEAH BAYBEE! And in a skimpy, Victoria's secret type outfit.

-"Wow." *snicker*

-"Where are my clothes?" "On Talyn... you and the other guy - the other me - you're, uh..." "Don't do it to yourself, John." Aaaaw. Poor Crichton. C'mere, so I can grope you. ER, I mean, hug you. You all *did* realise that Crichton has been going nutso because he's had no Aeryn, right?

-*snerk* K, when John pulls out the giant (and might I add, GREEN!) pencil, who thought he was going to just erase Aeryn's clothes? Or am I alone in this lecherousness?

-JESSICA RABBIT! "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way *pout*"

-Marilyn... *snicker* We get to hear Claudia sing, even if it's just for a few seconds...

-THEN we get Cleopatra, and John going, "Uh, Honey, that's the wrong Shakespeare." AAAW! He called Aeryn 'honey'! Watch me do a shippy little spaz!

-"Hey Johnny, like a virgin?" Well, hey, he's gone over a year without koodle-boppy, y'know...

-"Can you do that Sharon Stone thing? Basic Instinct?" *snicker* Cartoon porn... bwahaha!

-"D'Argo, could you just leave young Johnny alone, please?" "Uh.... no." And the chase begins anew!

-BTW... Cartoon Aeryn's vest is REALLY small.

-Poor D'Argo, he just doesn't get them Erp Cartoons.

-Hehee. The Enterprise shows up in Farscape! There's another one of those things you thought you'd never see...

-Maaaaaan. Cartoon Crichton has a really funny, kinda bulbous nose. Heh.

-*snicker* Dr. Chuck Jones... I keep having these moments from the new Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back commercials... "I think Chuck Jones gonna SUE somebody!"

-BWWAAHAHA! Cartoon Crichton screams like a GIRL!

-*snicker* Dr. Scorp-N-Sniff, the latest addition to the cast of ER! And now, let's all sing! "I don't know what to say, the monkeys won't do! Don't know what to say the monkeys won't do! Now I'm in the stew, oh poo. I don't know what to say, the monkeys won't do!"

-LOL. Crichton got doused with the SSBOIW. Oh, hey, wet Crichton... heheheh...

-Luxan sounds a lot like Klingon.

-3 artifacts? Okay, as soon as they said that, how many other people said, "okay, how much do you want to bet that one of them will be a Qualta blade? Hmm?"

-Chiana is really hyper in John's little coma dream...

-"Why do I get the cellar and you get the catwalk?" On the catwalk, when I do my little thing, yeah, I'm too sexxy for my shirt, too sexxy for my shirt, so sexxy it huuuuurts... *snicker*

-I had a sneaking suspicion that that 'muck' was sewage.

-Yay! Chi is having more precognitive flashes!

-Chiana's advice works for me. Outsmart your enemy, and they can never get you.

-FROONIUM! OMG! OMG! AND IT'S BRIGHT GREEN! BTW, I made Froonium sticks! We sell mini green glowsticks where I work... all you have to do is poke a hole in the top - being careful NOT to spill the glowy stuff, stick a wire thru it, write froonium on the stick, bend it... and you have froonium! *snicker* I should make some and bring em to scapercon next year.

-Bier. Astronuts welcome. Hey, I want some bier! Gimme, gimme! I may not be astro, but I sure am a nut!

-Moya has bats! Which means...*snicker* Jool is literally hip-deep in shit. ROFL!

-The whole bit with D'Argo and the cannon was hilarious... but D'Argo? Don't you know you NEVER LOOK DOWN!?

-heh. John beeps his horn... can anyone say 'meep meep'?

-"You forgot to make yours swirl."

-"Lock up the wimmin and hide the fried chicken!" Oh, man. This reminds me of one of my favorite lines from Tank Girl: "Lock up your sons!"

-AAAACK! NO MORE OCB! We've gotten enough in the last 2 eps to last a season or three!

-Heeey. I just realised... we didn't have a single Miss Cleo commercial the entire ep.

-"Commander John Crichton, a schmuck. Muleheaded, reckless, and probably braindead before I met him."

-I love John's tombstone. "Human. Astronut. Natural Born Loser." You forgot Master of the Universe...

-"I love Aeryn. That should be enough." *shippy happy <THUD>*

-"That was a tv show, John. And he made priceline commercials." *snicker* Priceline commercials where he SANG.

-"He's a fiction, Harv. I know the difference. I have to live with what I do." IRONY! IRONY! WOOP WOOP WOOP! IRONY!

-The bit on the catwalk with D'Argo running into cartoon stables was GREAT! Especially loved the banana... I wonder how big the monkey that left that behind was...

-"Eh, what's up, D'Argo?" Okay, who didn't see that coming? Raise your hand. C'mon. Raise your hand so I know who to smack.

-Whoa. Huge Cigar. Was Monica Lewinsky in town?!

-Heh. We see Jool again in the batcrap (nanananananaanananananana, BATCRAP! POW! THWAP! WHACK! Whoa, holy tangent, Batman!) and... well, is anyone else thinking of that scene in Star Wars where they're in the garbage disposal?

-Heh. I'm getting olympic vibes when we see Chi and D'Argo running and throwing the qualta blade back and forth. It smacks of the olympic torch, dammit!

-"This is kinda like the sound you hear before you die." "or after."

-THEY BLEW UP JCBUD! THOSE BASTARDS!

-"Shut up, John. It's not presentation night." Which reminds me. When the hell are any of the guys from our show gonna get a frickin award, already?!

-"Don't touch anything in here!" WOW! I say that exact same thing when I have to take family members *anywhere* in my car!

-Laytun, Reksa, and Ka D'Argo Treytal. Yaaay, now we know some more about D'ARgo's fambly!

-Okay, well, I guess that officially makes the Spankster D'Argo's new ship. Now we just need to get one for Aeryn... I hope they saved her mom's prowler.

-TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! Who was it who wore a gold toga at Scapercon? Violette-Frost? HE STOLE YOUR TOGA!

-Jool is purple. Hehee.

-I love how Jool tries to aggrivate Chi and make her jealous by telling her that D'Argo promised her the first flight in his new ship. Oho, man. This is gonna be the catfight of the century!

-One thing to say about Crichton outside the ship: Uhhhhm... Crichton? You do remember what happened last time you went out without a teather, right? LEARN FROM YER MISTAKES! We only got one of you left, we gotta take care of you!



Other Crap:

-Well, now we know that John on Moya really hasn't given up on Aeryn. And that he knows, deep down, that John on Talyn and Aeryn prolly got together, even if he doesn't want to think about it.

-It's fun seeing D'Argo getting to be funny. I mean, we never get to see Anthony doing comedy... especially slapstick... it was hilarious!

-I don't really have a whole lot to say about this episode, although I certainly did enjoy it. I guess this will be the last funny episode we get until sometime into next season. We're gonna be hitting the high gear next week, I suspect, as we get to wrapping up the season.

-Next week: The world's shortest preview. We get Aeryn saying 'I came back from the dead, so why can't he?' and wearing a new outfit that looks kinda like a dress. We *also* see Crichton - one of them - in an undershirt and jeans, like he was wearing this ep. Dead Crichton in some kinda funky afterlife thingie that Aeryn visits? Well, I won't speculate farther than that.


LBT, who would want to live in John's head if her's weren't already so entertaining.

Oh, yeah. Thou shalt bring me sour skittles, and Thou shalt keep the Nekkid Day holy.