Meltdown

Heey! Look! I did it, I did it, and it's only a week late! *dances around stupidly* Okay, I sat down today and actually rewatched Meltdown, and have a review! I know, I know. I'm behind on everything, and I'm trying to play catch-up today. After reviews, I'll do my emails, and then my webpage. *crosses fingers* Or, at least, I hope.

K, here we go.

-This ep is brought to you by... uhm... Oh, hell, it's brought to you by Spanish Fly. It was too easy, but I couldn't think of anything more clever.

-Dood. I like the way this ep started. I started doing my 'I KNEW Xhalax wasn't dead! I was right!' dance almost immediately.

-Oooo, Crais all gettin up in Xhalax's face, looks like he was about to snog her.

-"Is that what you think really happened, Crichton?" This is Lyme. This is Lyme boggling. Okay, that was a 'grand Scorpy-fake out' moment, there. Yeah, yeah, TPTB know us a bit too well, and I started celebrating too early... but I still think XHalax isn't dead. So NYAH!

-Hey, k, now we know that they're looking for Moya. Hopefully this means they'll reunite soon, because I am *really* getting tired of bouncing back and forth atwixt leviathans.

-Whoa, what's that noise? I never new cicadas could survive in a vaccuum... I *loathe* cicadas. I also loathe that early 90's singer, Jon Secada, but that's not really related.

-'glech'? Rygel teaches us new words.

-"We are FLYING into a sun!" That reminds me of the line in GEM: "We have been SWALLOWED!" I wonder if Ben had deja vu...

-Auuuuguhhhhh. It's Miss Cleo. Y'know, she called my house again. That bitch. She knows I want her dead. And in a non-psychic sort of way, mind you. I bet she reads my review. If so, DIE, YOU FAKER! That accent is TERRIBLE!

-*snicker* Booger's on a Chronicle commercial. BTW, Time For A Tangent: Anyone else watch the Chronicle? I thought it rocked. Damn funny. "Why's this tumor so into phone sex?" *snerk*

-Hehe. It sounds like Stark's praying in yiddish.

-Okay, right here I have 'The power of Christ compels you' written down. I'm not sure why, I think it's in response to something Crais said about Talyn being compelled to fly into the sun. Either that, or I'm possessed.

-'hog of a power plant' - another for the list of things you'd only hear Crichton say in the UT...

-oooo, shippy finger suck thingie. ooooo, yeah, you know Crichton liked that. He looked kinda dazed there. And I was surprised Aeryn did that... Now I'm thinking of Ling on Ally McBeal. Mmmmm, Lucy Liu... *gets distracted*

-Stark's in the hall... and I realise again what a cool new costume his is. And then I had this weird thought, that's hard to explain, but I'll try anyway: All Stark needs is a parasol and a cup of tea, and he'll look like some escaped mental patient in a post apocalyptic society... strolling through the decimated buildings and stuff, looking for crumpets.

-Stark, baby, Talyn is a boy. That voice you're hearing is decidedly female.

-"At least some people are smiling around here these days." "Yeah, I know, it suits your face." "I was talking about you." *shippy girn* Yeah, okay, this is good shippy. And yesh, it does suit Crichton's face. That was sweet.

-lol. "You're easily distracted." Hey, if I was in the same room as Crichton, Aeryn, I'd be distracted. Like YOU'RE not. Pfft.

-'Definitely distracting.' *gets distracted again* Dood, Aeryn's being a tease. Did hell freeze over?

-omg. Bend, and snap! Aeryn must've seen Legally Blonde. She's TEASING! Dropping the wrench and pickin it up to give John an eyeful... omg. <Shippy THUD>

-"What're we doing?" Uhm, I believe it's called foreplay?

-"Adrenaline in humans. Makes you fight." *shadowboxes* "And, uh, other things." Like what, Crichton? A really messed up attempt at a cabbage patch? *snicker*

-he said Crackers. Huh. You'll get why I pointed this out later on.

-"Hey baby, how you doin'?" *boggle* Aeryn's gonna let him get away with callin her 'baby' in front of Crais?

-Hmm. Talyn has shrink-wrapped doors.

-Cessna? This chick's a plane? She's got funky hair. And talk about a STEEP widow's peak...

-Whoa, she says 'Feel me'... and did anyone other than me think she was gonna put Stark's hand on her boob?

-Wait, wait, wait. She knished? *blank look* Uhm, isn't that some sort of food? Can I hamburger? Or maybe baloney sammich?

-Random Stark Moment: My zone, your zone, my zone, your zone! You were in MY ZONE!

-Random Church Lady moment, when Mu-Quillus shows up: "Could it be... oh, I don't know... SATAN?!"

-Why does the name Mu-Quillus remind me of Cats? I fuckin HATED that show. My mom made us go see it a few years ago.

-Mu-Quillus sez he's a hybrid. Of what, Satan and those Magog guys on Andromeda?

-LOL. Crichton's feeling Aeryn up with Crais and Satan in the room. And Crais is too busy with the stick up his butt to even notice.

-Oooo, Jumpy Crais.

-"Yes, dad." Yeah, well, you are actin like horny teenagers.

-Dood. This Sierjna chick is now reminding me of Dingo/Zoot in Monty Python and the Holy Grail when she's talking about Mu-Quillus to Stark. I half expected her to go, "Mean, mean, NAUGHTY Mu-Quillus! He's been setting light to the sun-shaped beacon! You must spank him, and when you are done... SPANK ME!"

-Oh, now we get Bitchy Crais. Crais on the rag.

-Stark sees dead people. They don't know they're dead. LOL.

-"I'll take a critter over a godlike alien anyday."

-omg. Aeryn's biting his shirt. Mrrrrowwwwr. Save the porn for Farscape: After Dark. Or #farscape.

-LOL. Aeryn going 'Die die die die die die.' It's just funny.

-"The mist is not your friend." "Right, bad mist." "Naughty mist." MMmm, naughty mist. So, where might I get some of this mist stuff?

-Things you never thought you'd hear Rygel say: "Even for me, this is a bit excessive!" Hey! Look! He's got slices of meunster cheese! GIMME, DAMMIT!

-"Right, that's done it, he's gone he's totally insane."

-Right now I've got this line running thru my head in regards to Talyn: Let me go out, like a blister in the sun...

-"Resist the Mist." Avoid the noid. *sticks out her tongue*

-Wow, okay, this J/A porn music is reminding me of the music on the sims when you get one Sim to be jealous of another. Hehe. And it's getting on my nerves.

-Oooh, look, they said the L-word, and nobody died.

-Heheh. Talk about 'jumping your bones'. *snicker* "Frell." "Yeah." "No, no, BAD frell!"

-The CITY of TOWNSVILLE! Er, sorry, PPG just came on, and I love the way the announcer says that line.

-"I know that sound." And of course, I immediately think of Galaxy Quest: "I know that sound. That's a BAD sound!"

-Stark has a plan. *evil cackle*

-"Orbiting boom box, he's whistling out his butt!" Dood. Does Crichton have a cousin named Walt by any chance? Maybe it's the gerbil that's whistling. Or the cat.

-WHAAAAGH! What did you do to my Stark? WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BABY?!

-Whoa. I'm having flashes to the Evil Dead movie, where the chick gets attacked by a tree.

-OMG. That thing where Stark descends below the console was creepy. Y'know, this process BETTER be reversable.

-Stark? Guide? Talyn? MAN, talk about the blind leading the blind.

-"Jump right in and wig right out." Hehe. But that's what makes Stark so fun, John!

-O. M. G. Look at the HUGE grin on Aeryn's face when Crichton grabs her by the arm and says "We're going to go do something else."

-Crichton's VCR repair: If it don't work, shoot it.

-dood. They're like, in the process of getting nekkid.

-BUTTSHOT! CLOSEUP BUTTSHOT! <THUD>

-OMG! Slap ass! SLAP ASS! SLAP ASS PORN! <SPAZTHUD>

-"Try anything like that again and I will PERSONALLY take you to the other side!" Dood. Don't mess with Aeryn's erpman.

-Hmm. K, am I the only one who thought of this? They're sitting there, saying they can't leave because Stark will send another DRD. Well... one could go to Stark, and the other could guard the conduits. There, problem solved.

-AGAIN with the porn music.

-I figured it out, you know. Drexim mist is Scaper hormones.

-Ooo. Aeryn likes to be on top. Hehe.

-We finally get to see Stark actually help someone cross over, even if it doesn't work.

-"This is a direct order!" "Dream on!" WOOO, go Rygel!

-OMG! Rygel pulled a Mike Tyson! He bit Crais' ear!

-Satan has nasty fingernails.

-"I never give up!" And yet, another Galaxy Quest moment. "Never give up, never surrender!"

-HAHAHA! Crichton's RUNNING FUNNY! *points and cackles*

-*snerk* Aeryn just snerked at Crais. That was priceless.

-Damn you, Crichton. I don't care who you are. You do NOT threaten to harm Stark. Is that understood?

-"Aeryin is my Zhaan." "You freakazoid psycho bastard, you're killing MY ZHAAN!" Awww, that's nice and shippy. And he mentioned Freakazoid. HUGBEES! Laugh with me, laugh with me!

-HA! I knew Mojo Jojo was the bad guy! HA! Er, I did mention I'm watching Power Puff girls, right? I love Mojo Jojo. He's a diminuative green monkey with his brain in a see-thru hat. Cause, y'know, monkey's gotta have a hat. But I digress.

-Whoa, hell-O, Aeryn. Is that a customary Sebacean greeting?

-"I got some control back, lemme show you."
"I love it when you take control."
"That's the drexim talking."
"No it's not. I could manually prime the cannon."
"I'd love to see that."
"Talyn's cannon."
"I'm stoked, not stupid."
And I'm counting this as masturbation joke #4.

-"She's speaking through me right now, it's her wish" LOL. Just look at that 'Hey, it worked' shrug Aeryn does...

-"Is there a stupid alien quotation book you guys always use?" Yeah, it's called the Villain's Handbook, chapter 13. Er, not that I would know. Hehe.

-Oh, you KNOW they were thinkin of Moya when they asked if Satan was going to harm any more leviathans.

-"Damn, Smoky, you can't argue with a woman." Ah. John Crichton is Enlightened.

-Okay. One shot from TAlyn's cannon blows up a star? BULLY! Go on, pull the other one! I ain't buyin!

-Ooo. Stark knows something juicy about Crais. And Crais, you hurt Stark, and I will make you scream like a little girl.

-Things you thought you'd never hear Rygel say: "I never want to look at food again!"

-"Fate would've brought us together anyway..." Oh, you know it, John. Or at least, Fanfic would've brought you together.


And, as always, the random stuff that doesn't fit anywhere else:

-HEY! We didn't get a preview of Scratch And Sniff! Of course, seeing as by the writing of this review, I've already seen it, it shouldn't matter... but you guys gotta show us what we're supposed to look forward to (or dread, as it were) next week!

-I still don't like Matt Ford as a writer. Seriously. While Meltdown was a vast, vast, VAST improvement over EM, my far and away least favorite eppy EVER... it still doesn't make up for it. There's two storylines going on that are at total odds with each other - Stark trying to help Sierjna, which is serious and dramatic, and then everyone being affected by the mist - which is silly, and has already been done, albeit maliciously, in CDM. And, maaaan... when I said in my review of Relativity that I expected to see Aeryn and Crichton being more physically comfortable with each other in public - this is *so* not what I meant. Okay? There's a difference between shippy porn and regular old porn. Shippy porn is good stuff - like the teaser in Relativity or the hair scene in LATP, or the tag in SOD. Regular old porn is what we got tonight - no romance in it for the most part, barring the two scenes I mentioned. I dunno. Shippy stuff is sacred to me, and if you do it wrong, I will be angry. I wasn't pleased with Aeryn and Crichton acting like two teenagers who'd just discovered sex. And you know what they say about having too much of a good thing - it'll get old and lose it's new-car smell. Except for ice cream. You can never have too much icecream, unless it's a nasty flavor.

-However, I've seen the ep 3 times now, and I must say, I like it better with each viewing. If Matt Ford continues to improve his writing - I dunno, maybe some day I'll forgive him for EM. While this was certainly a step in the right direction, he's still got a long way to go.


LBT, noting that John and Aeryn got more nookie this ep than she's had her entire LIFE. Hehe.


BTW! I *am* working on the SNS review! Hopefully I'll have it finished and posted by Wednesday, so be lookin out!