Green Eyed Monster

BOOGITY! Yeah, I know it's tuesday. I'm bein lazy. I worked 6 days out of 7 since LAST tuesday, and I was grumpy and in need of beer and sleep. So! Here it is! The Spastic Review of the much-anticipated ep, Green Eyed Monster! Let's get on with it, shall we?

This week's review is sponsored by NERDS! The original Electromagnetic CANDY! (mm. I love nerds. I wish Dairy Queen would bring back the nerds blizzard. I miss those. I have some rainbow nerds right here - *thwack* okay, okay, back on topic.)

First off, this review doesn't start with Farscape. Yah, say "HUNH?!" really loud, but I watch Invisible Man, too. So...

-The writers on I-Man this Friday were writers on Farscape! Cooooool!

-EBERTS SAID FRELLING! EBERTS SAID FRELLING! HE'S ONE OF US! *spazz* I always knew there was a reason I liked Eberts! OMFG!

-Okay. Now to the Farscape! and, btw... AAAAAUGH! I accidentally cut the last few seconds from TFS off on my tape! Now I'm without the bit about Aeryn saying she'll kill her mother if necessary *sigh*. Oh well.

-Talyn's got some funky red DRDs. They remind me of the Red Triangle Scarran's costume from SOD.

-... damn. Crais has some triangular eyebrows going on. And he's got a new jacket.

-Don't get so close to Aeryn, Crais *growl*. Er, uhm, what proposal, pray tell?

-I'm flashing back to EFG with the bit about Crichton and the doors. Y'know, where he says 'it takes me 10 minutes to figure out how to open a door'. My, how far we've come.

-Meet in Crais' quarters? *suspicious glare* whatever for? Hmm? I do NOT like the sound of this.

-freezing his boys off? Awww... dammit. I'm sure there are many of women on the BB who'd like to keep those boys warm... OOPS, did I say that outloud?

-You can see Aeryn looking really frustrated while trying to mediate. I get the feeling this happens often in the short time they've been on Talyn.

-"Don't call me JOHN!" Ooo. Crais is not allowed. You tell him, Erpman. BTW, he's trying to cozy up to your wommin, kick his ass!

-"All right, Talyn, you've seen them both naked, can you tell us who's bigger?" *boggle* Did she just say that?! OMG! And look at the little smirk she gives when they both turn to look at her! This had me laughing my ass off!

-Mr. Crichton. Ooo. I can't help but think 'It's *Mr.* Crichton, if you're nasty.'

-I'm sorry. Random OT moment. I'm watching Dragonball Z, and snerking cause Goku just said of Herkule 'This guy's an IDIOT!' Hehe. Okay, back on topic.

-Oo. TC now has a scar. Another way to tell them apart easier. I wonder if it'll fade, or stay dark.

-"That's not a moon. That's a BUDONG!"

-Very, very, VERY cool CGI on ALL the shots of the Budong throughout the ep. It kinda sorta reminds me of the worms in Dune and the sandworms in BeetleJuice and an eel.

-Talyn has a little freakfit.

-"Written By Ben Browder" Whee! did anyone make the international sign for 'This ROCKS!' besides me? Am I the only one left who even does that anymore? Damn you, Mike Judge.

-Whee. Backstory on Budongs. Later, we get more from Stark. It's always nice to know your critters.

-"Down? Do we wanna be going DOWN?" and then "YO! Jonah, we have been SWALLOWED!" I love how Crais just totally disregards half of what Crichton says as unimportant, irrelevant, and stupid. Really, I do. And we're wondering why Talyn dislikes Crichton? Duuuuh.

-Do ships in the UT have any other side than 'Hammond'?

-I wonder what TACs stand for. Y'know, the missile thingies they used to hook on to the inside of the Budong.

-Aeryn, don't say 'sir' to Crais. Please. He's not you're CO anymore.

-Those are some tight flightsuits. Not that *I'm* complaining.

-Crichton does not look DUMB, Aeryn. Just mildly clueless.

-"Damn, open channel." Doncha hate when that happens?

-*snerk* Pitch Black ref. Hehehe. Good thing Aeryn didn't get ripped in half by a random gang of freaky bats in this ep.

-When they're shooting off the TACs and showing the cable going out the door, I keep thinking that someone's going to get a leg caught in the cable or something. Very tense and all that.

-"Whose stupid idea was this, anyway?" "Yours." Heh. Well, it WORKED, didn't it?

-Rygel's whippin out the $10 UT cursewords like crazy this ep. I guess Ben shares the Monj's penchant for making up new words.

-Waitasec. After all RYGEL'S done for them? BWAHAhaHAHAH! Oh! C'mon now! Pull the other one!

-electromagnetic Candy!

-Stark and Rygel are like me and my sister. Fighting and we really hate each other. And I won't hesitate to bitchslap my sister, either. What? You think I was saying *I* was Rygel?!

-Crais, you bastard. I forget what this note in particular is reference to, but either way, you're still a bastard.

-what has passed between them? Noooooo. NOOOOO! That doesn't SOUND good!

-pumps in the closet and a blow up Scorpy doll. *snerk* OMG. I love this ep.

-Talyn = Voyeur. You know what I mean. I was going, 'EEEW, Crais TAPED it?! And he let Talyn watch?!'

-And now lets get on to that...thing. As soon as Crichton gets in the quarters and sees the vid chip, I said, 'Uh oh.' Then we cut to Crais telling Aeryn he wants her to 'see me as I am' while apparently getting nekkid? Not good. And then...

-AUGH NO NO MY EYES NO NO NO SHOCK NUMB NO DID NOT SEE IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

-Followed by deadly silence. Then a commercial break begins as I sit in shock and very softly go, 'Oh, Aeryn, no.'

-Aaaaw. Poor Crichton. He looks so damn beat down and in shock when we come back from commercial break. C'mere. I'll give you hugs and stuff and I won't even grope you. I promise.

-Interesting how the door opens *juuuust* before Crichton goes to run his hand over the panel.

-Crais sounds southern when he says 'budong'. But, then, everyone does. It's weird.

-Crais and Aeryn not only *look* guilty, but sound like it, too.

-"You wanna fly out the ASS?!" Man. Only on Farscape. You'll never hear that on trek. You'll prolly never hear anyone ever say 'ass' on Trek. They're too civilized.

-NO hand of friendship for Aeryn! This is a moment I've been dreading. Because if she accepts, she's more likely to stay with Talyn.

-Oh. Yeah. And this whole situation makes John's day *that* much better. Y'know? Just what he DIDN'T need.

-Flight suits look glowy in that hallway.

-Throw rice? Aw, Crichton, c'mere. I'm gonna give you more comfort. And maybe a grope this time.

-"I've seen my share of hardware insertion." First thought that came to mind: Heh. Crichton's watched lots of porn.

-The finger of friendship. Is that anything like the middle finger? *gives Crais the finger of Friendship* NYAH, EAT IT ya rat bastard! EAT IT!

-John is SOOO pissed. You know that when he's talking to Aeryn, he's really talking about what he saw on the chip, not what went down on command.

-As far as I can tell, this is the first big, really *bad* fight Crichton and Aeryn have ever had. This is the first time Crichton's EVER been that angry at Aeryn. And you can tell how much Aeryn's changed - because 2 cycles ago, she would've used his ass as a mop instead of listening to his tirade and trying to reason with him.

-I love this next bit. Stark's justifying his decision, and then they pan to Rygel - who's been tied up and gagged. It's just too funny.

-"My mother sucks WHAT?!"

-Eeeew. Rygel is Linda Blair! He can projectile vomit! "I love that trick!" ROFLMAO!

-Aw. Crichton comes running back to apologise - and the door won't open.

-*snerk* Jedi Crais. "Do or do not. There is no try." Jedi Bitch.

-Don't touch her, Crais. I warned you.

-Oh, btw. I forgot to do my weekly begging for the death of Miss Cleo. *ahem* DIE MISS CLEO! WE HATE YOU! GO AWAY, DAMN YOU! YOU'RE WORSE THAN THE BOWFLEX COMMERCIALS!

-BTW, I think this ep is the first time we've ever, EVER heard Aeryn literally scream in pain. *boggle*. I didn't think it was possible!

-I keep expecting Crichton to pull a D'Argo and kick that DRD that's following him. It's certainly justified.

-When Aeryn's using Talyn's senses, did it remind anyone else of The Evil Dead trilogy? I mean, like in AOD when Ash is on the horse and there's a *thing* coming thru the woods at him at high speed. Freaky.

-Dominar? Crais is calling Sparky "Dominar"? What is up with THAT?

-"not half as loose as Chiana!" *boggle* There's another one of those 'He did NOT just say what I think he did, did he?' moments.

-Okay. these flightsuits are now reminding me of wetsuits.

-Give John a gun. John shoot Crais. Aeryn, we understand why you didn't want to give him the gun.

-fat hairy ass. Oh, there's a lovely mental image...

-SHOOT HIM! No, not the panel, HIM! CRAIS! SHOOT HIM! Seriously, I was sitting on the couch saying that. And getting weird looks from my parents. My mom then goes, 'You don't like that guy, do you?'

-I think Crais already knew what was on that chip, because he says to Crichton 'Now you want to kill me.' Why else, at this particular junction, would Crichton want to kill him EXCEPT if he knew what was on the chip? Ooo. Paranoid Citroid Theory just hit. Crais knew about the chip all along. He was hoping Crichton would see it, confront Aeryn and have a knock-down drag-out end-of-the-world fight, and then he could put the smoove on her while she was busy being really pissed at Crichton.

-EEw. Crais has got something that looks like chicken pox, acne, leeches, and burn scars going on. Eeew.

-KILL HIM! Do as he says, Crichton! Please? I'll give you a dollar. And stop with the groping.

-Talyn has black and red blankets. *notes this in her log* Veeery interesting.

-Cybernetic bleedback. Okay. I don't have any comments, it just seemed to be important enough to the plot to warrant me mentioning it.

-Okay. I know this is prolly inappropriate, but when Crichton goes 'You cockroach' did anyone else think he was going to suffix it with 'sucker'? I mean, I did, and went so far as to yell it out... Yeah. My parents weren't happy.

-"I think weather changes. We just keep making the same mistakes." Ooo, what a good quote.

-Why do we get Shirtless Crais, but no Shirtless Crichton? Hmm?

-Ahh, Stark and his plans. The mantle of 'I have a plan' has now been passed from Crichton to Stark! Er, eeew. Hand in the wrong end of the puppet there, Stark baybee.

-Hehe. Crichton said 'buggered'.

-The whole drannit convo was GREAT. "Aeryn, I'm dumb. I have no idea what a drannit is."

-'FINE! Screw the drannit!' *Aeryn tries not to laugh* "You really have no idea what a drannit is?" OMG. I have a theory. Drannit prolly means 'ass' or, uhm, cover your children's ears, 'dick'. There the only ones that really work.

-BTW. Seriously. WTF IS A DRANNIT!?

-"Vomit! Come in, please! Vomit!"

-*John and Aeryn in unison* "Vomit?" And then Rygel goes... "They can now die laughing!" Oh damn. I love this show. I swear. I. Love. This. Show.

-John said dood! He needs to say dood more often, dood!

-Ride out on a wave of Vomit. That is *so* Farscape. And I'm thinking... Ben surfs. Was that any inspiration there? Hehehe

-Aeryn's 'Oh!' when she remembers the warheads on the TACs was just great. I don't know why, it just was.

-I love Stark. Stark is god. Where'd I put my Paul Goddard shrine?

-When Rygel goes "You flew across the eye?!" I couldn't help but think of the part in Sphere (the book, not the movie. The book rocked) where they were being attacked by the giant squid and it had a frellin HUGE eye. Plus, I think I heard somewhere that squids are phosphorescent.

-"Mother always said I'd die from incompetence!" Rygel, I swear. You *do* work where I work.

-The moment we find out Talyn's awake, I went 'Rutroh'. Yeah, that couldn't be good.

-"Talyn just spaced John." *boggle*

-No, Crais, don't lie. *YOU* never trusted Crichton. Talyn apparently never had a problem with Stark or Rygel - both non-sebaceans - being on board. Don't lie. Bastard.

-"John is only dangerous to himself!" I couldn't help but going 'Mmm, my kinda guy!'

-"Aeryn's pissed at me, but she kinda likes me!" Mmhmm. She doesn't like you. She wants to jump your bones. There's a difference. WOOHOO.

-Crais, shut it. You do NOT regret the loss of Crichton any more than I regret having my wisdom teeth pulled. Waitasec, I didn't want my teeth out. Okay, Crais, you do NOT regret the loss of Crichton any more than I regret eating cake.

-Okay. Remember when they were running that thing on CNN Headline news on Farscape? It was from this ep. I'm pretty sure.

-Aeryn's showin Talyn loooooove! AWWWW! Shippyness! I wonder if Crais experienced what she was showing him? I *hope* so, so then maybe he'll know he has no chance with her.

-Whew. I have to say, during the whole bit with Crichton locked outside, I was *damn* sure that TC was going to buy it. I mean, he is designated redshirt, because he's on Talyn with Aeryn, and they're getting close - and, he would've seen the chip. And - here's what I thought was going to happen at this point: Crichton would go boom, knowing about the vidchip, and it would turn out to be REAL. And the other Crichton would never know about it, thus drawing the whole Crais/Aeryn thing out. Thank GOD that didn't happen.

-As in the spirit of last week, I must say: "Yotz. Fiery vomit."

-Talyn does Cybermanip. 'Creative'. He and I should hook up and cause some damage.

-Yay! Aeryn's not keeping the transponder! *whew*

-Aw. Poor grumpy Crichton. C'mere. I'm not gonna hug you anymore, I'm just gonna grope ya. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Least I'm honest.

-"Aeryn, I'm not your boyfriend, I'm not your husband, I'm not your anything." DON'T SAY THAT! ACK! *whacks Crichton* NO GROPES FOR YOU!

-Its... not... real? It's not real? IT'S NOT REAL! WOOHOO! WOOOHOOHOOO! *does a stupid looking happy dance* SHE DIDN'T BANG CRAIS! Aeryn Clinton: I did not have sexual relations with that man, Captain Crais! (she better not be lying. Dammit.)

-Aaaaw. Aeryn's speech. Watch me do a shippy little <THUD>. Now, Aeryn, you hug Crichton and grope him. For me?

-Huey, Louie, and Dewey. I go, 'Where's Donald?!' my mom goes, 'Where's Daisy?!' Frightening.

-the naming stars line sounds like a pickup line.

-At this point, my mom says of Aeryn (she said it, not me. NOT ME. The views expressed after this parentheses are HERS not mine!) "She's not a particularily attractive woman, is she?" *boggle of horror* OMFG?! I was in sorta stunned horrified silence. I have decided that there is NO hope for my mother. None at all.

-KISSY! OOOO! KISSING! SHIPPYNESS! SHIIIIPPY! *spazthuddie* Yes, you can tell I liked the shippy, right? SHIPPY! <THUD>

Okay. Random stuff:
-Technically, it was Talyn acting of his own free will to try to kill Crichton. Technically. Now, some people are letting Crais off the hook here, but I'm not. Why? Okay, who taught Talyn all he knows? Crais. Who really, really, REALLY hates Crichton? Crais. Who's been trying to get into Aeryn's pants? Crais. I mean, even if it was only mentally wishing that Crichton was gone - not specifically giving Talyn an order, like how when you're at work and you go 'I wish my boss would drop DEAD' - Talyn picks up on it and may act on it. He was obviously, in my opinion, acting on impulses he was getting from Crais, whether they were intentionally communicated or not.

-Now, I hear some people saying, 'Why didn't Crichton confront Aeryn right-off about the chip? It seems out of character.' Well, I say to this (hold on, this is gonna be long.) that he didn't because... well, have you ever been betrayed by someone, and then you find out through a third party? I mean, it's bad enough when you find out the woman you're nutso over sleeps with your second least favorite person (first being Scorpy, of course), but then having to find out from someone ELSE?! I've had something like that happen. At first, you're kinda in shock, which I think Crichton was. And you don't really want to ask that person for confirmation, because having it confirmed by them just makes it hurt even WORSE. And, not to mention... Crichton and Aeryn are not technically a couple (as much as the shippy part of me just screamed and whacked me with a baseball bat for saying it, it's true). They've said I love you, sure, and they do love each other. But, I mean... nothing, not a damn thing about Crichton and Aeryn smacks of 'Normal Couple'. Don't forget, this is the UT, not Earth, and Aeryn *isn't* human. Different values, all that. Examining what Crichton said at the fight... he might've felt like 'Aeryn's been stringing me along for the past 2 cycles. She tells me she loves me, but she boffs Crais when I'm not allowed to touch her with a ten foot pole? WTF?!' Also, maybe there's a bit of guilt on his part - after all, the bit about Aeryn offering herself in return for Crais' help to save Crichton's life was on the vid. She wouldn't have been put in that situation were it not for Crichton. In fact, I think the guilt bit is a LARGE factor. I haven't seen anyone else really mention it, either. Not to mention, the incredible level of frustration he must experience when it comes to the relationship. Wow. See? Told you that was long. Hope it was semi-coherent.

-All in all? This was the BEST ep of Season 3 so far, in my opinion. After all the dark depressing shit and the death, we NEED an ep where NOBODY DIES! NOBODY! Not even a redshirt! Not only that, it had a bunch of cool stuff. Shippyness. Action. Funny stuff. And, of course, the thing that is becoming a FS trademark: VOMIT! The whole ep was very tense, and kept the pace going - and great direction as usual. Ben did good on his first try! SEE, Guy-who-wrote-Eat-Me? THIS IS HOW YOU WRITE AN EP! *thwap*

-Okay. Bout next week. Yay, Jool gets some new clothes! YAY! Get her out of that hideous THING she's wearing! Unfortunately, it looks like Scorpy's gonna be back, too *sigh*. And about this thing, in the preview... apparently, everyone's spazzing out because they think it looks like Chi and MC (Moya Crichton, kiddos. Remember I explained this last week) are gonna suck face. Seriously, when I looked at it, it looked to *me* that he was going to hug her, not kiss her, unless he was going to be kissing her ear. And there are CERTAIN Chianites *coffcoffEvancoff* who would be too happy if Chi and John did kiss. And we can't have that.

LBT, who's been walking around going 'I want chicken, and sausages, and SOMEONE TO LOVE ME!' for the past 4 days.