Die Me Dichotomy

Well, folks and folkesses, it's 9:02, you know what that means...

That's it. Kemper is gonna get it. I am officially getting out the dos equis and crying into it right *NOW* See? *Lymey gets up, goes to the outside fridge, gets a dos equis, and wrestles with the top* Argh. Okay. There. I am going to need it. Ack, spilled some. Frell. SEE? I can't even open a bottle properly, thank you very much.

*ahem*, and now, for something completely different:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH*sob*!

I knew it. I knew it. DK frelled with our minds. Our poor, fragile, shipper minds. You see that big giant structure in my backyard? It's a CATAPULT. The engineers assure me that it will safely get a brick from Dallas, TX, to Sydney, Australia, providing it doesn't hit any birds on the way. And, boy howdy, have I stocked up on bricks. YA DIG?!

Okay, Lymey, calm yourself. Drink your nice strong beer, take a few meds, don't operate heavy machinery.

I am so emotionally drained right now. On to the review, shall we?


-Item one: Load catapult with bricks, pointed at DK's house, for a dawn bombardment.

-Okay. Talyn is still with Moya. Good. I like that.

-Did uh, did Zhaan grab Rygel's mivonks? Y'know, the ones he grew when he killed Durka.

-Waitasec, Crais? Is HELPING? Find a surgeon? FOR *CRICHTON*?! My, how times change.

-Whoa. Mebbe Ryge has changed for the better. Whoa. He's actually doing The Right Thing. They're only going to take a small portion of the riches for themselves.

-Heheh, I just noticed, no Durka Head on a Stick! I'm kinda going to miss it...

-Eeek. That is a funky mirror. John is gonna have uhm, SO much bad luck... I think he broke it about 8 times... 56 years of bad luck, John-boy. As if it could get much worse, ey?

-Ev'rybody, now, sing along with me "I'm lookin at the man in the mirror, I'm askin him to make a change"... eeeek. 1980's Michael Jackson moment.

-John is now, completely and officially, NUTTIER than a fruitcake.

-Once again, I'll say it. Get Crichton some Clear Eyes! Calling Ben Stein, calling Ben Stein...

-Okay, after Aeryn said 'There is no mirror, there is no Scorpius', did anyone else get the urge to add 'There is no spoon?' Okay, it was just me? Right. *takes her meds*

-Okay, WHOA. Flip me out. There's no Scorpy here, only me? *a-la-Wayne's-World-extreme-close-up* WHOAAAAA! WHOAAAAA! (although, this is not a "Party on, Garth", "Party on, Wayne" type moment)

-Random comment from commercial break: I love those bank of america commercials with the little kid walking around, being all philosophical. I don't know why.

-Freaky alien. I mean, the one with the red mask. Definately some cool uhm, I dunno what you call it, but puppetry going on with his glasses. I loved that, it looked so absolutely funky.

-*snort* Gunslick. What's the guy's name again? Grunschlick? He's afflicted with a case of the 'Guybrush Threepwood Syndrome' - NOBODY says his name right. Absolutely hilarious running joke, here.

-Why doesn't the Doctor (hereforth to be called as 'Red Guy', a-la-Cow And Chicken, only, this Red Guy's wearing pants) have translator microbes?

-Whoa. Okay, from here on, I am calling the Grunschlick guy 'Guybrush' because it's close enough, and easier to type. Anyway. Whoa, Guybrush, you should do something about those cold sores.

-Okay, if Red Guy is so sensitive, Guybrush, then why are you poking his VERY sensitive nose?

-Eeek creepy Crichton scorpy chip hybrid thingie eeeek (I'll call him Harvey. Whoa, Lymey's got night of a thousand nicknames going on here).

-Okay, so, I don't know if I'm spelling this right... but those tentacles on a Luxan are called Terkas? Tercas? Spelling, anyone?

-Jothee angst, big time. Apparently, Jothee's into the whole body-mods scene. Y'know, scarification, mutilation... Hey! Now I know why he looks so familiar! I think I saw him during my stint in Charter! (And if you don't get help at charter, please, get help somewhere *scoff*)

-My god. Guybrush is like a mechanic. The price keeps going UP!

-Guybrush is one strong frood. Able to lift Starks in a single, uh, bound. Yeah. Summat like that.

-Hahahaha, Zhaan called him 'Green Chalk'. roflmao.

-John, you liar, you are not spying on Crais. Aeryn, knock some sense into your man.

-YAY! Ride of the Valkyries, rides again!

-John doesn't want help? NO do not listen to him that is HARVEY talking. You *know* he wants help.

-Eeeeeek it's Harvey again! Kill it! Kill it!

-OH MY DEAR GODS. OH HOLY HOT HELL. <this part is censored for the sake of the minors present> YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YEEEEEEESSSSS THEY SAID IT!!!! What's more important, AERYN said it, and not under the influence of way too much alcohol! YESSS --

-NO! NO! BAD HARVEY! No treat for you! GO TO TIME OUT! *whaps Harvey on the nose* NO! HIT! AERYN!

-Eeew. Harvey's licking Aeryn. I'm pissed. They were so going to kiss, too. Dammit, Kemper, you are EEEEEvIL! I bet you even did the Dr. Evil pinky thing when you wrote that!

-Crais, you bastid. I just felt like saying that - wait, truth about what, Crais? Do not hold out I will hunt you down and rip your arm off and BEAT you with it, y'dig?

-D'Argo the dad. Jothee, you're grounded! *snicker*

-O. M. G. Scorpy's voice coming out of Harvey's mouth. Okay, John Talking like Scorpy. That is so WRONG.

-Eeek. He grabbed Jothee's tongue. What's the matter, Jothee, Scorpy got your tongue? *insert stupid puns about tongues here*

-"Hardly." *TZAP*! My man D'Argo.

-John... popcicle? Oh, man, you know ppl are going to be making jokes about wanting to lick him. You just know. *looks around for the Oboe and the SSBOIW* Nah... I already got doused once this week. Mmmm, reeses pieces...

-Hey, look! They got Crais some new threads! Boogie!

-Okay, is it just me, and my wishful thinking, but I swear, everytime Red Guy talked, he sounded like he was about to start singing 'Ode to Joy'. That, and he sounds like the Siamese Robot on Chi-Chian.

-Eeek! Where'd John's skull go?! That is some cool x-ray machine!

-Eeeeeeeeeew. EEEEEW. The net thingie is crawling. ICK.

-Health Plan? Okay, I know there's someone on the SACC list who is keeper of John's UT health plan... C'mon out! You are being called to duty!

-Uhm, John? Whyfor you laughing? They said that Red Guy couldn't do anything! THAT'S *NOT* FUNNY, DAMMIT!

-Yeah, good point, Chi. Just what crawled up D'Argo's ass and died? I mean, Jothee's back. Isn't that what you wanted?

-Stark, the pothead. roflmao. Dood. They even have a smoky haze around him.

-"I believe they said 'frelling millions'." Whoa, that's a lot.

-Rutroh. Crichton doesn't remember the 'I love you' *shippy swoon moment* bit. Not a good sign.

-Zhaan, nice coat. Just thought I'd like to say.

-So, uh, these people are all, uh, still alive? Hehe, maybe there's hope for Durka yet! LOL! (I'm sorry, I love Durka Jokes.)

-ROFL, oh, they're so compatible. From that description, my *dog* is compatible with Crichton's anatomy. Ew, wait, that sounds gross.

-Hmm. Wonder if they have any erplings in there? Yeah, not likely.

-ROFLMAO! D'Argo and Stark, high. 'I can't feel my tongue!' OMG, stoners! STONERS!

-Jothee and Chi, bonding. Kinda cute.

-Roflmao. Pilot high is even funnier than Stark and D'Argo. "I'm not higher than I ever was before, my position is fixed!" *snort*

-Whoa. D'Argo, propose?

-And, well, Chi's reaction is best described as 'ambiguously SHOCKED'. I see trouble up ahead, here.

-Rygel and Guybrush chow down.

-Ryge, just as I was starting to feel better about you, you have to go and bribe Guybrush to get you a new ship. Bastard.

-Hehe. Rygel's got a good arm... that giant marble he's trying to bribe Guybrush with landed directly in his pink pudding.

-Zhaan, Unity is a bad idea.

-SEE! TOLD YOU SO!

-*Sir Bedivere voice, from Monty Python and the Holy Grail* How do you know so much about Delvians? Hehe. Sorry, couldn't resist.

-Grrr. Crais. BACK. OFF. You're standing to close to John's wommin.

-Smart Talyn. I'd choose Aeryn, too. Although, this poses problems for the shippyness.

-EEk. This part freaked me out. "AERYN! I'm not in *zap, Harvey voice* Control."

-Commercial break. Lymey beholds the power of cheese. Mmmm. Cheese. ER, ahem, where was I?

-BTW, did I mention I like Stark's nice new Pimpdaddy coat? All he needs is a few gold chains to accent it, and a big hat, and a pair of platform shoes with goldfish in the heels...

-BTW, Mr. Ben Browder. Stop doing that Scorpy voice so good. You are genuinely freaking me out. But, really, you do his voice *very* well.

-Hey, Harvey hasn't been using Crust toothpaste.

-Whoa, Zhaan's got a cool new ring. With a nice, big, blue stone. I WANT.

-Whoa. Dogfight! DOGFIGHT YES! That is some amazing CGI, there, I was getting dizzy.

-Hehe, Harvey called Aeryn 'Radiant'.

-Wha? Harvey has the upperhand in a dogfight? *CRITCHTON* has the upperhand in a dogfight? AGainst Aeryn? Well, that planet they're flying over must be called Hell, cause it done froze over.

-Mmm. Love D'Argo's comment about hesitating if he were in Aeryn's shoes.

-Don't feel bad, Aeryn, I've often said this while driving, too: "Where the *frell* am I?"

-Horror movie moment: EEEEK! LOOK OUT! HE'S BEHIND YOU! At this point, I screamed this over and over for about 5 seconds straight.

-Three words: Sebaceans are SUUUPEEEERIOOOOOOOR!

-Whoa. Is Crais getting teary eyed? Holy hot hell. That planet *REALLY* is Hell!

-*ahem* AAAAAAAAAAIEEEEEE! (can you guess what part of the show that was?)

-Cool eject scene.

-Prowler go boom.

-Oh NO. NO not drowning. OMG. You have to understand, one of the ways I actually truly am terrified of dying is through drowning. EEEp.

-Yay. At least John is back in control, now. Small comfort.

-No options... oh, god, no. no. no. no.

-Right about here is where Lymey started bawling like a big fat baby. Full on tissue action.

-Oh. Wow. The scenes of every crew member's reaction is heartbreaking. I mean... it's so good. It shows how far our guys have come. To think, if you would've told any of them 2 cycles ago, that they would be mourning the loss of a PK, they probably would've died laughing. Wow. I am speechless.

-The next commercial break consisted of Lyme cursing DK's name, screaming 'OH GOD I need a BEER' and blubbering like a girlie girl.

-Re-commence tears.

-Chiana's good bye is touching. They never really got on well, but, I love it, nonetheless. Crichton, during the goodbyes, looks generally like CRAP. D'Argo gives Aeryn his sword, and Rygel, damn. Mebbe you are getting better. That bit made me cry harder. I mean, words cannot express how this bit made me feel, or how well done it was.

-Zhaan's prayer is so fitting, as well. I love how we see the shot of Pilot, eyes closed, apparently also praying.

-Uhm. I don't trust Crichton with that knife. Not because he'll go Harvey, but because he may try to pull a Romeo.

-Heh. Who'da thunk Guybrush would vomit when things get icky?

-Okay. We see Crais holding someone's ident chip. He's talking about telling Aeryn something, which prompted me to sit up and say in my best Incredible Hulk voice, 'WHAT LEARN FROM CHIP!'. Boyoboyoboy. I bet that'll figure into season 3.

-Zhaan, now that I think about it, cannot leave Moya. She promised the builders that she would take care of her. I doubt we'll ever see her going back to Delvia to stay, at least, not to stay for good.

-Stark's proposing, too? Whoa. The men on FS have bad timing when it comes to marriage proposals.

-Critters? You can't loose critters! *snort* American politics? WEll, I can see why you'd want to forget it... but, dammit! You're killing off future Crichtonism potential, here!

-John is a dog lover. I knew it! I knew it! He likes dogs! *does a happy little canine dance* Yeah, yeah, stop looking at me like that. I know I'm crazy. And that Dos Equis is really starting to work on me.

-Hey, Ryge. Cool coat.

-A WHOLE LOTTA SHIPPYNESS! WOOwOO! Wait, uh, John? You are going to keep that, right? RIGHT?! Although I generally don't agree with the sentiment, in this case, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all! DAMMIT!

-Chi and Jothee get shippy?! ... uhm... okay...

-Right here, the phone rang. I picked it up and slammed it back down again. Heh. Screw you, call back later. There's some important shit going down here.

-Whoa. Gunrack - er, I mean, Guybrush, is one pig. Does he ever stop eating?

-Whoa. John speaking in tongues.

-HA! BRACA DIDN'T DIE! I knew it! He's too damn weasely to die!

-HEY! MOJO! WHOA! Austin Powers reference! 'Why don't you just take my mojo!' I am claiming this as my new SACC title... BACK OFF, it's mine.

-Don't give up, John. It'll all work out, somehow. How? I don't know, it's a mystery.

-EEEK freaky brain drill! Hey, wait! I think I used one of those in shop when I was in 8th grade! Except, uhm, we used it on wood...

-ERg. Brain surgery. Lymey no likey.

-Whoa. John's really speakin in tongues now.

-Oh, rue the day. Scorpy's so happy, he's humming. That is NOT a good sign, people!

-Hm. So nice to see you again? Lymey will make a leap to a conclusion: So, this is the doctor that put Scorpy's Air Conditioning unit in?

-Eeek. Someone get Scorpy some altoids - his breath is LETHAL!

-Heh, no, I didn't need a translator microbe to understand that one either, Scorpy.

-Oh My God. Look at the HUGE hole in the side of John's head.

-Okay. Whoa. That scream at the end, and the look of utter total and complete pure RAGE on John's face... I would so not want to be Scorpy right now.

-Oh, and, Scorpy? You dumbass. Why do you want Crichton chasing you in revenge? I mean, do NOT underestimate this guy... he took out the gammack base and the depository. Do you think that was really, seriously, a good idea? Hell-oooo, UT to Scorpy...

Oh, gods. This ep left me mindfrelled. It took me an hour to write this review. Of course, it prolly would've gone faster if I hadn't imbibed a dos equis or two. But, oh, god. I am commencing the search for spoilers for next season, uhm, now. I can't say, right now, if this is a good ep or not. I'm majorly pissed over all the bad SHIT that happened. OF course, they'll bring Aeryn back. They have to, because we know, well, if you've been reading the spoilers, that she's been spotted filming season 3. But, i swear, if they mess with the shippyness, I will be coming to Australia. With a bushel of bricks.

On a note, Farscape is prolly the only show that's made me, the manly woman, the one everyone mistakes for a guy, CRY, at both season finales. Uhm, I don't know if I'm getting soft... but, whoa.

LBT, who is spazzed out. Oh, dear gods.