...Different Destinations

Yeah, yeah, it's late. I was cheesed off Friday. That, and I was feeling too lazy to take notes and write up on the ep. In fact, I was considering discontinuing the spastic reviews all together, because I'm generally a lazy ass. (in fact, I had only planned to do them for LGM and DMD...) If I continue to do them past this, I might just do them later in the week. Of course, they might become tainted by other people's responses to the ep, which means they wouldn't be purely spastic, then. But, I more or less lurk on the BB more than anything (Yes. I've gotten tired of the 'The new direction SUCKS ASS!' and 'Is so-and-so DEAD/DYING/LEAVING?!' hysterics.) I'm babbling on longer than usual in the intro, so let's get down to business, shall we?

This review is brought to you by Venek Telegram Express. Make an impression by having your telegram shot in the middle of a living room and burst into flames! (Yeah, it sucks. Eat me, it's early, heh.)

-That planet Moya's orbiting looks kinda like Earth.

-Cool CGI, as usual. Especially on the monestary (monastery? I can't spell today. Hence forth, I shall call it the nunnery). Cool Scenery on the Nunnery, too. Kinda reminds me of a spanish-style house for some reason.

-Stoopid lookin' goggles, man. Why do goggles always have to look weird on Sci-Fi shows?

-Those Venek alien doods look like somebody from Cats and the Planet of The Apes mated... Rutroh... I feel another 'If they Mated!' parody coming on... hide the photoshop!

-Jool? They let her go planetside? WTF?! They didn't let CHI go planetside that early! NO FAIIIIR!

-Aeryn, you beat her down. Teach Hairdo a lesson.

-'Bullfrell!' Uhm, technically, shouldn't it be bulldren? Unless, uhm... Jool likes em big. Hehe.

-God, that was dirty. I mean, my comment up there. Not something on the show.

-Aeryn's got a major hero-worship thing going on for this Dacon guy. Kinda like she did with Durka... dun dun DUUUUN!

-Jool is hauling out the $10 words to use on Aeryn. Hawt dayum, she is pretentious.

-CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT! Are they gonna start pulling each others' hair? RAWWWR! HISS!

-Bad muppet. No steal from Zhaan! Oh, Ryge, we all know you miss her and you just don't wanna let on. But, hey, dammit. Don't go breaking her, uhm... whatever that thing was that you were holding.

-Stark's new jacket makes me think Michael Jackson, circa Thriller. All he needs is a white glove and someone to set his hair on fire...

-Poor Stark. I guess the shock of Zhaan's death has finally worn off, and he's feeling it now.

-Ow, Jool got shot. I understand it hurts... but stop with the damn screaming already!

-...Uh oh.
Zhaan's not in the credits.
This had *better* be temporary, Kemper. I have fish, I have bricks. I have baseball bats, and chains and whips. But enough about my fetishes... I'll hurt you if Zhaan isn't back by the end of the season, capice?

-Random drive-by 'I LOVE STARK!'-ing during the credits. He just ROCLS!

-Those spear thingies are like, the bottle rockets from hell.

-Jool screaming "I've been SHOT at a PEACE MEMORIAL!" was classic. Apparently, the irony didn't escape her...

-Dacon reminds me of Sam from Shakespeare in Love (The kid who was supposed to play Juliet) and Mouse from The Matrix. Something in the face.

-"Alright, I might kill *this* guy." *snerk*

-"SORRY! Don't die, don't die!" Uhm, okay, Crichton. Hehe.

-Wow. The Peacekeepers are the good guys for once. I guess this shows that at one point, the PKs did try to live up to their name. Sometime within the past 500 years, tho, they've become corrupted.

-Uhm, when Chi first says 'Trelk-fighting' I swear to *gods* I thought she said 'trout-fighting'. I kid you not!

-First few times they said 'Venek' I swear I thought they were saying 'Banik'. I must've been hearing things during the ep.

-Well, now we know that D'Argo's sword is at *least* 500 years old. Wonder how long it's been in his family?

-Grynes looks like a cool granpa. Heh.

-Jool blows bubbles in her bottle of green piss. Oh, yes, she most definitely is the new comic relief...

-"You made me drink *PISS*?!" Then she blows a raspberry... lol, the uh, fellip piss must have intoxicating properties. BTW, I thought piss was one of the words you couldn't get away with saying on TV... guess I was wrong.

-That's one funky PK symbol you've got there, Dacon. And damn, that boy has some VERY green eyes.

-I had a random thought - Did Aeryn have a second motive for ripping the symbol off his shirt? Sort of maybe because she felt he didn't deserve to wear it, because he wasn't the hero she thought he was? (Whoa, Lymey has an insight. Stand back.)

-"I studied you, at, uh, school."

-Stark looks for the tear while Jool acts stupid and gets in the way. I think the piss made her kinda drunk.

-OW! That looked painful! "Well, that was obviously wrong." I can see the SAJA forming soon - Society Against Jool Abuse (hey, if you do form it and use that name, gimme credit! heh).

-Hey! Look! Jool's wearing more sensible shoes! Yay! Now, just get the rest of her wearing something more sensible, and I'll stop my clothes gripe.

-Stark has a spaz fit. See why I love this guy now? He's nuttier than a fruitcake. He's... Stark Raving Mad! *ba-doom CHING!*

-D'Argo, be nice to Stark. He's having a rough time of it.

-Did Stark just refer to Jool as 'the foul woman'? LOL!

-"Yes, very many, we get the idea." LOL. D'Argo, what'd I say about being nice to Stark?!

-I love Stark doing his little Zhaan impression, complete with head-prayer thingie. It cracked me up.

-Aeryn's snarky. She's hitting below the belt with the 'voices in the head' comment. I'm also kinda miffed at how she immediately dismisses John's plan as not working. I mean, at least listen to the plan first, Aeryn. Don't forget, his plans *have* worked in the past... just not as well lately. Is she still snarked off over the wormhole thing?

-Eeew. Jool's shedding again.

-"monochromatic little bitch!" *snerk* I like this. Yes, indeedy. Jool certainly knows how to start a catfight.

-'point the weapon *away* from me...' yeah, uh, that would be a good idea. Aeryn definitely looks uncomfortable there.

-Waitasec, I thought the PKs used foodcubes as rations. Why would they need a cook?

-Wait... these people are fighting over *water*? Why the hell couldn't they have said, 'Hey, our water's dried out. Can you guys share with us?' I mean, REALLY. Common sense, people-types.

-Hey, Nursey. You gotta make D'Argo's blood run clear. It's not running clear. What kind of nurse are you??

-I wanna know what the Horde does to little kids now. Yeah, I'm morbid.

-*groan* Great, we've got an annoying kid.

-Suddenly, I'm having flashbacks to Castle Anthrax. "A spanking, a spanking! And then the ORAL SEX!" (And couldn't you just see Crichton asking for 'just a little peril!')

-That General guy is sooooo dead. See? Told you. Look, Veneks bleed clear!

-Uhm, yeah, Crichton, she *did* just do that. All hail Prince of the Obvious.

-Hmmm... *EG*... what to do with John Crichton strapped to a statue, what to do... Oh, c'mon. You know what I'd do, and it involves dessert toppings.

-There's that Venek Telegram.

-I kept expecting that guy on the telegram to haul off and make some Wookie sounds. Hehe.

-Home on the Range? WTF?! On a harmonica...? Oh, it's just Harvey... in cowboy boots.

-Hmm... 'Andy', ey? If Harvey's Woody, who does that make Crichton? Andy or Buzz Lightyear? I mean, he does have the astronaut thing going, but he also has the toy chest... er, dumpster... for Harvey in his head.

-Okay. I know I'm not nuts. Here, you can clearly see that Scorpy's eyes are *brown*. But if you check SOD, he's got *blue* eyes. Someone care to explain this? Please?

-godDAMN Aeryn is in a baaad mood this ep.

-*snerk* Farscape meets Back to the Future meets the Alamo meets several Gladiator extras.

-Aeryn just said 'we're' soldiers in reference to herself and Crichton. Uhm... Aeryn, dear. Crichton's not a soldier. Never has been. He's a scientist who's had to adapt.

-All this damn patriotic swelling music crap is getting on my nerves.

-'lose the hate'. that's some good advice, Stark, my boy.

-"You should've seen my father." Dood. I *so* have to use this line.

-This little girl is annoying the hell out of me.

-Good cover story, Aeryn.

-No, Aeryn. I see where you think you're going. You're gonna try to shoot the message off instead of Dacon. Don't you even think about sacrificing yourself.

-"Naw. The hero always gets killed." *snerk* He is *so* dead.

-That stuff Dacon spits out reminds me of gazpacho more than it does blood...

-LOL! Shit! They just keep making the situation worse! Now the planet looks irradiated!

-Oh, okay. So the three of them are going to hold off an entire army with the aide of only 20 or so nurses? Uhm, right. I'm not buying it, sorry. They should be dead.

-Here come the gladiator extras...

-The planet go bibi. Jool still can't get over drinking piss.

-Wait, if the planet's gone, what's holding the rings still there? Shouldn't they like, be gone? There's no gravity holding them in that spot!

-OW. Don't hit someone else's wound, Chi, even if she is Jool. That's mean.

-"I'm makin like an army!" *snerk* Followed by "I'm gonna have a heart attack!" Jeez, OboeCrazy, I don't understand how this ended up being a SACC ep... the psychological torture alone seemed very WHACK-ish.

-I just had a mental image of the Venek hordes screaming 'Run away! Run away!' as they retreated. Hehe.

-Chi, dear... get out of there before the planet reappears with you STUCK in the middle. Okay?

-This nurse is one whiny broad. I don't like her. Random note from Lyme's dad: "This guy's a rat." At first I thought he was referring to Crichton, and was preparing to be offended, but he meant the nurse chippy.

-Stark does a lot of moaning this ep. Heh. Just thought I'd mention that.

-Next week, on Farscape: Moya heads off to the Miskatonic University! Unfortunately... they get attacked by SHOGGOTHS! AHH! And... zombies? WTF? Next week looks fairly corny, guys. I hope it's not. (and if you get the references here, you've been reading as much weird fiction as me.)

-Good point - Why did all of these things going down on the planet not effect MOya? They should've had more effect than jsut the history of the planet.

-It was so dead silent after Crichton tosses the goggles that I thought I'd accidentally hit the mute on my tv.

-Little shippy moment. Although, it doesn't account for much. My rant on the end of the nurses coming in a sec.

-D'Argo digging thru the bamboo was giving me flashbacks of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon...

-Sucky ending. Okay, here starts the rant. I know, in the real world, that the good guys don't always win. Hell, they don't even win most of the time. But, c'mon. We have not had an ending where everything turned out all right since OOTM. I'm starting to get tired of everything still being screwed up at the end of the day, okay? I mean, if you put anyone else through all this *shit*, they'd have broken down and either committed suicide out of sheer *guilt* or ended up like Stark. Crichton's had more shit piled up on him in the past cycle that it's not even funny anymore. Seriously. No one's bad luck can be *that* bad, and I'm getting sick of Crichton always getting frelled. I mean, GIVE THEM A BREAK! Can we have one ep that ends happily? No one dead/dying/crying/emotionally distraught just once? I'm not asking for a happy ending every ep. I realise that some of the best stories do *not* end well. I'm not even asking for a happy ending every 3 or 4 eps. But it's been nearly 20 eps since our guys have gotten a break. GIVE EM A VACATION! John's barely recovering from Scorpy's mind-frell, and you've already put him on the path to destruction (whoa, having Zero Wing flashback. YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE MAKE YOUR TIME. *snerk*) PLEASE! Give us a little happy ending! Just one! I'll be good for at least 7 eps if we get one!

-*grump* Rant aside, it was a good ep. I'm still pissed that Crichton's now got something else horrific that he had NO CONTROL OVER on his concience. Give the guy a smegging break!

-Oh yeah. Aeryn dies, and she gets this monumental memorial page. Zhaan dies, and dies for what appears to be for *good*, and all we get is a cheezy wallpaper? Helloooo? *I* could make a better memorial wallpaper! (hmm, now I'm getting ideas...)

LBT, spastically signing off.